Raised by a Narcissist
Summary: A very common request. A larger essay will follow due to the interest on what is hiding in plain sight. Name-calling, making jokes, and trapping partners in a trauma bond are the tip of the iceberg. Hurt people can be the first to hurt other people.
CT - Characteristics of a Narcissistic Parent
VeryWellMind - What to Do If You or a Loved One Lack Empathy
VeryWellMind - Why Do People Blame the Victim?
What is narcissistic injury?
What is a trauma bond?
True or False: Narcissistic injury proves there is a deeper issue.
True or False: Not seeing the action in the self, only seeing the reaction from others.
Trust, a label, a position of protection, has been abused with a covert or overt selfish bias. Their childhood has the answers. Emotional abuse will more likely be long-term due to unhealthy comparison, a need to feel in control, status or need in the public image is deeply unhealthy as is the way accountability is avoided.
Parents who put an emotional focus on themselves (covertly or overtly) rather than on the children in an authentic manner with genuine empathy… will make and create a different home environment than a balanced situation.
Enmeshment systems are designed to mask the core issues and keep a focus due to an affected upbringing misguiding the narcissistic parent. They learn it from someone while being affected by that someone or both parents.
This subject is key to understanding how human perception can be made falsy and then reset, knowing why boundaries are abused, the drain, the extension of something biased and false.
Not everyone develops into an adult who lives in an adult body; Cluster B, Dark Triad and Dark Tetrad have a different relationship with truth and facts to avoid guilt and shame. The development years, born temperament, and genetic pre-curors are all subjects to study to understand the who, what, why, when, and how.
The main focus is on how to protect a deeper understanding of compensating behaviour, the truth, and an gain an acute awareness of what biased manipulative actions look. Then keep the out of the personal space, and protect then next generation.
A parent who has been manipulating the environment and others for years will not understand they are are the core of any drama or conflict. When they are asked to be made accountable, the position is abused, somehow seen as a right to not be questioned or be wrong. Their childhood had splitting. The false self-construct takes over; the facade must have no triggers.
Undiagnosed personality disorders all behave with patterned behaviour, so the cycle is present. The lack of development is present. Waking up to the cycle after studying the pattern can offer closure but not a fix.
People who operate without empathy.
People who operate with cognitive empathy only and manipulate others.
People who operate with cognitive empathy and try.
People who operate with cognitive and affective empathy.
One of the first steps is to understand how others may continue to enable issues when confronted about insight - It can be due to a lack of required education or they share the traits.
Others linked to the parent may not have full-blown NPD, BPD, ASPD or claim satisfaction from control issues.
The environment can affect others in many ways, until the correct unbiased education is cemented into the culture, and the status quo is positively disrupted, human perception requires simple changes such as ‘removing truth bias’, and studying beyond the family culture system. Why do triggers try and keep people from learning and questioning. Why a manipulative person want to continue being manipulative and hold back others.
Fear of exposure is a priority subject - what does it look like in the pre, activation and post-patterns of behaviour? Why does it exist, unhealthy comparisons to others, why does coercive control come from deeply hidden insecurity?
Most of all, why you are not aware of this education in the first place.
True or False: The later in life the undiagnosed traits and disorders are spotted, the more manipulative the person is and the less aware others are.
For example, NPD and Psychopathy run in families, and there may be a grandparent actively manipulating as well. Research is vital. the false self-construct sees the world with a bias and that bias may have been used to full effect, knowing is key to why others either follow or do something completely different.
Gaslighting, blameshifting, denial, bypassing, blaming the victim, gossiping, smearing to break the truth-teller actions, conformity and guilt forced through others, damage public or personal reputation… many elements all have a design with something missing, start with missing empathy for others, a lack of self-awareness, a lack of emotional intelligence, hiding lies and actions that would damage the narcissistic person precious public image. The hidden disorder has a hidden agenda, or not so hidden if overt.
Covert types can choose to be covert due to being far more manipulative, they can cause more damage long term.
Bias - Only processing themselves in all situations, seeing their mind as made different. Do not see they have the same thinking mechanics. To simplify, consider there are ten types of humans rather than one type having a bad day, week, month or year. Go back beyond the stories and charm.
They may be stimulated by seeing others take the heat, control others to be in the crossfire, tricks from childhood when trying to gain attention in a cold environment.
Look at sadism, it’s quite common due to certain issues in the development years, projection may offer relief and control that was missing in childhood. “I like it when they cry” or “they deserve it, look at how I feel” or “what if it was you”. People have listed many statements that offer insight when the timing or point of view should be something completely different. Nothing is hiding in plain sight once a behaviour insight is in place.
People who avoid accountability are already down a scale; they are already exposing themselves to those who are educated. They will always have a strange justification which shows something is deeply wrong. Next is the choice what to do about it.
Coverups are charmed, brushed over, you name it, a person who feels truth has an uncomfortable frequency, uses others without a second thought, tricks people by affecting their self-esteem, ignores boundaries, scams but is justified, its a disorder that does not need to be shared in a trauma bond. they need to tiek the right action as well as the observer.
A person who only thinks of themselves there will always be slip-up, a cover-up, pay attention to the bias. Avoid offering a narcissistic supply to allow them to expose themselves further.
Psychology Today - The Risk Factors for Continuing the Cycle of Abuse
References:
WH - 12 Ways to Break a Narcissist's Heart
CH - 10 Symptoms of Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
PsychCentral - How does a person living with NPD apologise?
PsychCentral - Recognizing the Signs of Coercive Control
CC - Narcissistic Personality Disorder
AP - 17 Signs You Were Raised by a Narcissistic Mother
Healthline - How to Help Children of Narcissistic Parents
KC - Signs You Had a Narcissistic Parent, and How It May Have Impacted Your Own Development
NI - How Having a Narcissistic Parent Impacts Young Adult Mental Health