Dysfunctional Family Enmeshment

Dysfunctional Family Enmeshment

Summary: Boundaries trigger a reaction as they are seen as a negative rather than a positive. Those who abuse boundaries do not see the purpose.

Mental health, personality disorders and emotional abuse can manifest inside an enmeshment system. It's not love or close; it's a trauma bond with influence and a purpose to serve the needs of someone who hasn’t found adult growth from childhood, so the pattern repeats.

Dysfunctional enmeshed people may emotionally abuse and reject outside concepts with aggression to avoid change and accountability. The focus is directed onto the parents, not the other way around.

In extreme cases, the parents see the child relationship as transactional, the emotional needs of the parent come first, the child can be deceived in a number of ways… the behaviour pattern witnessed and repeated. If attention is given of similar traits shared, the enmeshment can narrow its perception of right and wrong. A cycle of bed parenting through the generations.

Quote: "For example, a child can be emotionally “parentified,” which is when the child cares for the parent’s emotional needs. For example, a mother might tell her teenage daughter about her issues with her husband, expecting the daughter to take her side." (Theodora Blanchfield, AMFT)

Rules: No boundaries, an extension of the parents, in each other's lives, truth is not spoken about, mental health is masked, conformity, emotional entanglement, emotional abuse is part of growing up, abusers assume acceptable behaviour on their own terms, unrelated to laws and consideration for full adult development.

What appears as 'close' is, in fact, toxic for education, identity, growth, and personal development, manipulative, can hide emotional abuse, pressure, role-playing, a design to have conformity so some is 'in' or 'out'. A dysfunctional system is passed on from generation to generation. Whoever is holding the gauntlet or who is affected the most by the system will lie the most to keep others in line so no boundaries or balanced views integrate into an unstable design and the operation functions on its own set of rules.

The more covert the dysfunction system is, the more dangerous it is for the human mind and personal growth. The person with the undiagnosed personality disorder can suffer from the delusion that the system is for everyone, not just for themselves to surpass triggers. A balanced family system would speak up, and help a person get help. The dysfunctional system hides the subject and may say, "why do you bring that up for? its not your place."

What is narcissistic injury?

What is a trauma bond?

Roles: Dysfunctional roles may not be achieved correctly, which can cause disruption at times. One person's emotional state is interlinked with everyone's life. People from outside the dysfunctional system might be manipulated to conform or feel a distance and be labelled with quiet caution. Members may feel more comfortable with finding people similar to the family to feel emotional pressure. People who mould easily are favoured by the person who created the dysfunctional system to prevent conflict with what they have in their damaged core belief system.

"Enmeshment can be seen as a form of generational trauma"

Scapegoat

Hero

Mascot

Forgotten child

Gatekeeper

Fixer

Quotes:

"This is love stick together; we have a system stronger than anyone else."

"A breading grounding for mental health issues and personality disorders due to what is unhealthy for one will be unhealthy for two or more."

"The covert or overt disruptor or controller will want to feel in control even at the expense of others. What they went through is now someone else's turn."

"The design and rules go back generations, passed on education."

"This is how we do things."

"They are not like us."

"Why do you want to do that? It doesn't work for us."

"Come back to us."

"Nothing is wrong, what are you on about? This is life."

Discussion: The origins of an enmeshment family system start with a person who has an undiagnosed personality disorder; they do not want triggers or truth; the outside world is too big to manipulate, so the family system is created on lies and a conformity agenda. People are extensions without boundaries, forced to believe 'this is a close family'... when, in fact, it is dysfunctional. Only when stepping away and experiencing a none dysfunctional family system will the truth of the 'allocated role' and 'attachment style' will be noted, corrected and without development education.

One of the dangers which an enmeshed family may not recognise is that suppressing truth and growth can leave them vulnerable to manipulators who can offer something that rewards, distracts or fuels the dysfunctional system. The children may not see the outside world for what it is and struggle to find their own pathway due to being co-dependent on the controlling parents who expect the system and themselves to be rewarded with a filtered approach to suit their needs.

Compared to a balanced, functional family system, people are motivated to grow, find identity, and be helped with identity; new education and direction is seen as fuel for creative thinking and living with boundaries, respect for opinion, and welcomed types to be part and they types may also be balanced as balanced people are easily recognised.

Before understanding Dysfunctional Family Enmeshment, consider understanding the core understanding of self-awareness and move forward slowly as the reveal can surprise many people to find an assumed close family is in fact dysfunctional with waves of up and down, can be prickly, disrespectful and uncomfortable and guilt felt when growth and truth become a subject...if those subjects are ever put on the table for discussion. Usually, the suppression, blocking tactic, pushing things down, and moving past situations quickly are tried and tested tools not to face anything as life can feel too big anyway so the family system is the only thing that feels solid.

Signs: People will feel enmeshed with the purpose one week or month and hurt or be depressed the next. Deny what the world is doing, and blame shifts onto matters not fully understood by the members. Disguard, dismiss, suppress, and push a pathway without consideration for facts and details to keep an undiagnosed mental health issue hidden. Dysfunctional bonding and closeness is branded as love without questioning allowed or is ignored.

Solution: What is hiding in plain sight is only damaging if the correct education is ignored and denied. Boundaries are key. Personal identity is mandatory for growth. Observe for one's own benefit, knowing the system can hold many people back but many other families survive without enmeshment. The damage on a persona perception can affect the work-life pathway so keep it separate. Future relationships can be nonexistent unless the dysfunctional family system is dropped. The life choice is not to be deluded by a generational issue or to take responsibility for someone else's undiagnosed mental health disorder who refuses to seek help or accept the truth.

Controlling emotional abuse is damaging; never accept any kind of behaviour, whether it is covert or overt. Both are equally damaging, and both are chargeable offences. Love allows growth and different identities without feeling threatened or made to feel like an extension of someone else. Triggers are not for everyone else to accept; the person holding the gauntlet or their enablers should never overstep a boundary for any reason. Manipulation, gaslighting, fraud, emotional and physical abuse, and cohesive control are all chargeable offences that may be played down not to be exposed; always seek the advice of a professional and the authorities away from enablers and disruptive types as dysfunctional family systems choose to hide behind closed doors to survive without conflict from outsiders or those who are seen to understand the purpose and the problem.

Sign off: Not everyone is part of a dysfunctional, enmeshment family system, which means that not everyone will understand the purpose or why it exists. Those inside the system may not think twice and push the cult-like perception to keep matters connected. What tends to happen is people leave the system on their own or the system collapses if three or more people step back and learn and create something away from the undiagnosed disruptive entangled emotional behaviour... only to find the problem doesn't need to continue through the next generation.

History teaches wise lessons for today and the future: never ignore gut instinct; what the generation has done before should be noted because disorders are passed on through genetics, influence, suppression and emotional abuse. Healing comes from taking a break, holiday, distance, and no contact so the human mind stabilises without a hidden agenda chipping away with guilt or dealing with someone else's manipulative survival tools.

References 1:

Good Therapy - When Family Relationships Become Toxic: The Trauma of Enmeshment

Very Well Mind - What Is Enmeshment Trauma?

TPT - 4 Types of Dysfunctional Family Roles

Choosing Therapy - 16 Signs of Narcissistic Abuse & Victim Syndrome

PsychCentral - 11 Signs You're the Victim of Narcissistic Abuse

VeryWellMind- Effects of Narcissistic Abuse

Parents - Here's Why Enmeshed Families Can Be Dysfunctional

Mind Therapy - Enmeshed Family System Vs. Distant

TC - 7 Signs You Were Raised In An Enmeshed Family

The Attachment Project - Effects of Enmeshment on Family Members

PsychCentral - The Enmeshed Family System: What It Is and How to Break Free