Heal vs Trauma Bond 1 & 2 (addicted to recovery?)

Summary: Not for Chapter 1. Not a pitch. This is linked to a core choice for a person to make with a break from a possible fix. Adding Stockholm Syndrome to this note might appear outside the education of healing parameters initially… but give it a moment. Plus, noting children and online algorithms. There is a link: Children can be vulnerable, and so can adults (if coming out of an abusive relationship), so understanding limits is vital to not letting something else happen. Abusers are not the only ones who can gain an affected feedback loop. There are options to research on not allowing an abuser to continue rather than simply knowing who an abuser is made.

True or False: Emotional abuse and abuse recovery information is recovery from ‘giving’.

It’s good to understand subjects related to the processing of knowing ‘what to do next,’ as matters can go either way when a person is vulnerable. Number four is critical.

If someone has left a traumatic bond with an emotional or physical abuser (the percentage of emotional abuse is through the roof as the abuser wants to keep the cycle continuing), there can be a need to continue in the relationship for reasons.

1) Tolerate when being sucked back in - “It will be different this time.” (You can’t change their childhood or influence stages going back decades… or even their genetic precursors or what stimulates via a release as the feedback loop and perception is not what you you might think.)

2) Learn to fix the abuser and get a thicker skin (time to remove your truth bias, see matter or person for what they really are.)

3) Become the abuser in other areas through projection (The abuse cycle, how do you think the abuser ended up being the abuser? Add no accountability if abuse wasn’t in the culture. Learn how people are made… to a point… unless it is a career.)

4) Remain inside the trauma bond through other ways… (Although narcissistic abuse has been around for a long time, unfortunately, read a history book, social media did not invent narcissistic abuse and from, say, 2010, covert narcissistic abuse, the highly manipulative type.)

Because of the insidious approach of Covert Narcissists and Machiavellians, people generally may not have a clue that something could be happening behind closed doors, or they have others extend the abuse when their victim leaves…dressed up as something else with a blame shift. The gaslighting turns to triangulation, flying monkeys, and the hidden abuser is still trying to… ‘own someone else's perception’ on biased terms.

But… and it is a big but; learn the subjects and labels, know the truth and facts, get into a healing chapter and maybe leave it… Leaving them is a good idea; last time there was a count, there could be 8 billion on the planet; step back, re-educate, and have a new chapter. If you have the unfortunate situation of sharing an ex-divorce or it is a family member… still treat it as a separation… Tail is toxic, and a pathological liar is lying to them twice before they like to others. The change is on you… but how you do it is important.

How many times would a car mechanic go back to college?

Once professionals learn, they have the tools and perception; the next step is using, creating, and helping with purpose… making a career, for example… I haven't seen many return back to university to attend the exact same course.

So what happens if a trauma bond is happening via the information that frees a person from an abuse cycle? Can it be classed as… getting a fix? This is the tricky part… not an easy angle, not a comfortable subject, not the first standpoint… but give it a moment.

Question: If a recovering person tolerated a manipulative/abusive person for, say, five years, does that mean they should study or absorb the subject of manipulative/abusive people for five years to… find… balance?

Take a big step back and take a big, deep breath.

Not everyone can leave a narcissistic person (one type, not the only one) straight away, listen to their gut after three chances, go no contact, create a list, and before doing all of that… convince many that there are types of abusive people don’t know about, you won't tolerate it, expose it with all evidence in place, apply firm boundaries, the emotional abuser stays away, have friends who won’t become flying monkeys… and the story goes forward without a hiccup… not even in story drama would someone write that pathway to enlightenment. Would any go to the cinema and watch it?

What will happen mostly is a landslide of confusion, the gaslighting to keep someone on a hamster wheel is exhausting, so it prevents an abused person from thinking about what is actually going on in a trauma bond, and growth is stumped because the narcissist can’t grow (child or teenager hiding inside an adults body), so they assume you shouldn’t, or you will see the many masks, there is never just one… there is never just one narcissist person either… they make each other in a factory… have you seen the sign down such and such road? No, you didn’t; it had a different brand from what the product is actually being sold.

Now what?

The new subject doesn’t have a sell-by date or duration attached to it… and no one is saying, “Watch two hundred of my videos, then say goodbye; it's time to get back to your goals, systems, and opportunities. Should anyone even mention that? Maybe… it's early days… only since 2010 did the word spread about what was hiding in plain sight on a major scale… but if you have been watching abuse recovery videos since 2010, maybe it is time to look at broader subjects that are linked to why it might have become a fix.

I am going back this up with research links shortly; here is something I can share from an educational standpoint… with my training, study, and education, I started to spot the overlap, the patterns, the who, what, why, when and how.. fascinating. But then it was an ‘ok… this is big, this shows how important parenting is, education and insight are for children and how to bad parenting creates issues in the children who then may make unsavoury types. A cycle of dysfunctional enmeshment is not a good place, and not everyone goes on to repeat it. Those who do, well, that's why you didn’t spot it at first; it was something different… or you were used to it, and then you thought it was normal. Nothing can be said in a sentence to sum up the development of human beings so it is worth trying to outline the what if’s.

Staying on the subject -

However, once certain subjects are learned, narratives and scenarios, and patterned behaviour are understood, timelines and development stages (between 7 and 9 is important, a child's self-awareness) are processed; the next chapter is to apply the knowledge and be organic with it. Organic or instrumental? Organic, life is organic, but have a good focus right? Yes, focus.

Consider this before jumping back into something… look at a situation from where you are standing, then look at the goal and work backwards… a line one could follow. It’s not a straight line, but there is an objective, a goal, a purpose, and a life on a timeline. If you are on video or web pages 3001, reflect.

If you are at video 3010 after reading this note, look into your personal situation carefully. I say this with deep consideration: your abusive chapter might have had you connected to something you only knew, and others couldn’t see it; the abuser may have had you hooked on their abuse, so you have accidentally got hooked on the recovery from abuse. And you might find it hard to replace it with something else… your purpose in life.

Abuse recovery is complex and simple. It’s not a soap opera, though soap operas can have a drama vortex at the core underneath the entertainment narratives… the template of a weekly tune-in is already in the culture. Can a weekly tune-in be harmful? Yes, it can. For some, you can be putting yourself back into a cycle that attaches you to the thing you knew the most for a period of time that you weren’t 100% sure about. If you are now 3001% sure, what now?

As tricky as it sounds, the abuser was harmful to others for various reasons; at a core level, they were always thinking about the abuse they possibly had at some point, so projecting it onto others was a way of controlling their narrative with harmful survival tools… now you might be addicted to abuse in a different way, stuck in a cycle as well, not letting go, not changing, not growing, not practising what is learned and moving forward away from something unhealthy.

And guess what? It was hard to let go of the abuser; it’s now hard to let go of the abuse recovery information. Will there be another chapter in social media in the next decade? Maybe. Will it be called Addicted to Recovery? Maybe.

How can there be such a thing as addiction to recovery? Well, one answer is that it might mean you haven’t recovered. Have you ever considered that? Have you gone about the process correctly? What limits have you put in place? What boundaries have you put in place for a number of elements?

How many people didn’t know they needed boundaries? That is a positive research suggestion.

Pivot The Direction Of The Suggestion:

I could have written that a straightforward solution at the start of this lengthy note. The design was to give yourself a break from the absorption of the fix. Don’t get me wrong, living in the present is vital, but think about where your weekly fix is heading or is it a daily fix? Know which it is. Know it is challenging, know you are not alone, know that you shouldn’t recover on your own and know that many wouldn’t understand either, just like you didn’t see the abuse at first, so what should you be doing now? Gaslighting can spin a person who doesn’t realise someone is playing a game, gains stimulation from applying control issues, yes, learn, it’s kind of dark, they are not allowed to do it. If they continue, tell them to STOP… The authorities have a list of offence charges for them. You would be surprised by the size of the fines for stalking directly and in directly and abuse you thought was normal. Know how flying monkeys are at first abusers trying to break in your social system on behalf of something trying to hide something… but then they witness to use against the core abuser.

The flying monkey can charge the core abuser for influencing them… a mess, right? This is why it is good to know the rules that protect you rather than just learning about your abuser and how their childhood shaped them, and how many masks they wore each week. Like everyone else has come to find out, the answer is many masks and many elements to the abuse cycle.

A hint, save you a tonne of research: You could possibly be dealing with a child or a teenager hiding in an adult’s body, hiding in the adult world. And they want something you have, something precious (or they wouldn’t keep trying to get it)… they want something from you through an unhealthy comparison… don’t let them have it… boundaries… No, thank you, try that with them and yourself… They may want to ‘own your perception’ to go along with what ‘they are stuck in’ so you don’t see the exhausting hamster wheel they dressed up as something else… stop you from thinking about what is actually going on in a facade trauma bond… they can’t grow, so they don’t want you to grow…maybe you have just put yourself back on the hamster wheel without realising it…(more on that later). Narcissistic parents are known for not letting their children grow up, keeping them native; they need to feel in charge and in control, with no boundaries and putting all the child's attention on them if they can give empathy.. twisted, right? What if you have been conditioned to keep doing that?

Limiting your exposure to your abuser is key; limiting your exposure to the abuse recovery information is a consideration, even if it can be seen as a hidden treasure. The information your parents or school did not teach you could have been a game changer, and life would have been so different if you could see the signs and navigate toxic people or toxic situations. How about now? Learn what you need to learn and nothing more, and try something else. Replace the abuse with abuse recovery information, and then replace the abuse recovery information with you and what your purpose is… haven’t you got one?

Did someone give you a purpose? OK, that is a sign of abuse. It's not your job to prop someone else up; it's not your job to tolerate what they choose not to see, it's not your job to put an abuser's needs first because they charm, deflect, gossip and smear others and try and make them look better…the confuse by making you feel better in other times. Abusers are not active all the time; that is the confusing part; they live life in a pattern and cycle, look for it, don’t copy it, and don’t get caught up in it. They watched someone do the same cycle.

What does Stockholm Syndrome (different link to above) have to do with, say, narcissistic abuse recovery? Well, people can get caught up in feeling sorry for something/someone they shouldn’t, to put it simply. And that means the focus could be in the wrong place. This is how trauma bonds can continue. So, is a person addicted to abuse recovery information putting themselves into a trauma bond on their own? Maybe. Are they missing the hamster wheel that kept them busy from seeing the big picture? See this as a hand held out to grab a wrist, and the other hand must grab the other wrist. It's a two-person job to get up the stricter parts of the mountain. And I don’t mean me. This is not pitch; you have already found the internet, the open door with algorithms, and the stream that never stops…

Children will shortly be protected from algorithms that should stop sending information after a specific time limit (see links below)… Look at what happens when the dopamine connection is less inviting and less focused… Look at how many videos and clips keep coming like someone is handing them everything they ever need. How come that wasn’t thought of at the beginning of the internet? Why are we learning after a few decades of seeing the cause and effect? Why does it take so many people to say, “Ok, fine, I will add that bit of code,” with a grump? The reality is, it can take laws to protect and inform some brands, companies and people. What if a disclaimer was added to the end of every abuse recovery film or essay: “If this is your 3001 film you have absorbed this year, speak to a professional in person?”

One solution other than speaking locally to someone in a one-on-one… instead of observing over social media that could be linked to dopamine and serotonin stimulation:

If you might be able to identify that this is what is happening… find a handful of A4 pieces of paper, ready to put in a draw somewhere or a fold to put in a cupboard.

1) Write down what you know already, such as labels, actions, statements, and universal patterned behaviour. The who, why, why, when and how.

2) Write down what you experienced. It may match up. List, outline only; don’t get caught up in brain-dumping for this exercise.

3) Write down all your absorbed channels, websites and input from abuse recovery information.

Please don’t assume help on subjects is a step in the wrong direction, no. How does anyone learn anything? (Note learning when it comes to abuse as well as abuse recovery)

What is important is how much, why, for how long, why you feel the need to get another fix, and when it will end.

Has anyone told you to limit your new helpful advice or insight into how some differ from others and mask it and why they do that?

4) Put some dates down… when you met the abuser, if it is a family member, there will be a date when something was obvious, it could be age five or fifteen.

Then note the date when you realised something is up and should not be normalised.

The next date is when you stopped accepting the abuse, added boundaries or applied emotional distance.

The following date is when you discover the universal understanding of abuse, types of abuse, what is hiding in plain sight, etc.

Last, the date you give up the fix.

Look at the timeline… How much time did you give to your abuser? What time do you give to the abuse recovery information? And the suggested time to let go and replace the whole subject, part one and part two?

Once learning to ride a bike, it never goes… you don’t need to keep learning how to ride a bike every day, every week, every six months; you get on the bike and use what you have learned; the sense of adventure with gravity keeps the ride moving forward. If this sounds like a negative, you already know how to read and write, so use it for the next suggestion.

Is there such a thing as Abuse Recovery Syndrome?

I haven’t fully noted it with that definition, but I think it might be happening… not sure. (See what I did there?)

If you are helping someone, great, pull them out of it; if you need help yourself, some subjects are more complex to let go of than others. Knitting can be fun (I don't knit), but maybe too much of it 24/7 could give arthritis… Wait… That statement needs research as someone could say it, someone could believe it, and without knowing all the answers…a conditioning inference settles into what you assume to be true. You get the message. Remove truth bias to stop another chapter from happening again.

Arthritis Foundation - Make Needlework Less Painful

Do your research, and check if that statement was true or false. After researching, do something with it. Add another foundation, work from the core outwards, and know you are not simply applying a mask on top of a mask on top of a mask… like the other person was and still is I imagine. You are doing something about it; just ensure you are moving forward.

Sign off: Emotional abuse and abuse recovery information are the following chapters from ‘giving’. (Giving beyond, say, 50%? You know the facts and figures of your personal situation.)

People can’t always have the right people in their life at first, its reality. If your giving is going past 50% when you are meant to be healing from abuse, it can lead to a drain, which can lead you back to square one in so many ways. When drained, it is easy to reach for a top-up. A cup of something, a glass of something, a list of E numbers on the side of something sweet, or more than eight books on the exact same subject. Once known, the overlap in the research is clear as day.

If planning a career or a second career, third, or fourth, dive in; it’s a different intention. Hobbies are the backbone of longevity in many cases. But if you are stuck in another addiction… consider getting some perception on your perspective. A video can't talk to you in a relationship; it’s a reference, a beneficial reference. An article can’t talk to you other than offering the information needed. All will add to the cause of gaining a perception you never thought you needed until now. I have heard a person must hit rock bottom before they drink their last type of drink.

I’m unsure what the outcome will be if a person is stuck in chapter two for, say, ten years. Maybe simply knowing there are more chapters is critical to moving forward.

What is chapter 3? A little less dopamine fix linked to chapter two is an excellent place to start. The lists made on A4 pieces of paper… that is, your actual education, what you can refer to without referencing and how you feel. Write that down for you beyond a quick note in a video, add depth, don't carry it around, process, and then make space for something.

Now that you know that abuse may have appeared as a subject on a large platform since 2010 with regard to covert narc types… There has been trauma from wars and poverty; the list is huge. Laws have come a long way since the under-the-radar actions have become part of today’s awareness. Social media has helped, and the authorities take matters very seriously these days.

Question: What did you use your time up with before this if it is classed as a fix? If not seen as a fix, the note is not for you. Now that you are out of a trauma bond or at least have firm boundaries, what have you done to change the algorithm that keeps feeding certain subjects? It is a movement that has helped so many people the figures cannot be calculated.

Why so many references? What is essential is knowing the subject of abuse is not new, only new to you right now, and it can feel like brain fog; once knowing the answer to the questions you had no answers for… let the insight mature, then get back to what you were doing, just do it better, smarter, wiser, whatever label you like and with more of you and your chosen life in mind. But, don’t forget the ‘you, me, and the situation’. Don’t fall down the same hole as an abuser may think, such as ‘me, me, me.’ The addiction to recovery information won’t turn you into an abuser, although there is a motion or acknowledgement on abusers using abuse recovery information to better their excuses for abuse.

That sounds like abusers using anything they can get their hands on (as they always have) with the usual detachment to do something for personal gain over someone they are trying to target to keep a facade going… Some types are very sneaky at blame shifting away… which put you in an affected situation in the first place… not all is lost… they are still bound to their past and patterned behaviour, which, by now… you should spot a mile off… and growth is the one flaw they try to hide but can’t. Try not to stay stuck, either. Chapter 3 is what you make it.

If children can suffer from being targets from focused content that never stops - sounds abusive if there phone or computer is continually bombarded without any settings to change such as ‘Exclude from search with these words’… We should be mindful. Why can’t someone apply their own filter in an app? It seems crazy that the user hasn’t got that choice or the algorithm gives up after four hours?

Vulnerable people need a consideration a company of adults may not think about… apart from profit maybe? An interview exposed someone at company was being very detached and tried to say “It’s good news that the government is taking steps.” You would think someone even a person at the company with children would have put their hand up and say “I have an idea to protect our customers.” We all look forward to have filters that work on the technology we have. With a book, its the book, nothing else, that sounds old fashioned. Got back to chapter 4.

If you do feel vulnerable and in need of knowledge of the ‘other folk’ and charm sidestepped what was going to happen later. Limit it to help your healing process, you have already had a dose of something to keep your perception controlled in some way, your in charge now but some subjects require time, reflection, space so the valid knowledge works. Counselling sessions are usually once per week for a number of reasons. Look after yourself. Addictions can crop up out of nowhere if you feel destabilised.

Healthline - 12 Signs of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome (and How to Get Help)

If you need one video to give insight into how someone isn’t being a balanced, fair adult or chooses to abuse and cannot see themself in the mirror… it has nothing to do with you, it’s them even though they claim it’s everyone else or ‘other people make me arrogant’ whatever the sinking boat suggests… it has been them for a long time… they just figured out a way to try an not have accountability learned from time well before you may have had some charm to cover up something.

Only studying Narcissistic Abuse is just one piece of the jigsaw. Studying human behaviour as a whole can get you back on your feet. Good parenting is also key; if you survived bad parenting but your sibling didn’t, genetics are also a subject with enmeshment dysfunction systems. No abuse is good or acceptable, or for your own good, or to be brushed under the carpet or ignored; gaslighted to pretend has never happened; boundaries are the key to good living… and boundaries are something balanced people respect. Those who don’t, call 999 or 911. Look at the stalker or abuse page for extra numbers to call, keep with the actions to take back your situation. Cowards stop when they know they will be found out. If they are not cowardly, let the authorities chat about their gaslighting and personality disorder. I am sure a judge will have something to say about conduct behaviour. Human rights are your rights.

Choosing Therapy - Narcissistic Abuse: Signs, Effects, & Treatments