Malicious Actor - Covert Narcissist - Cluster B Abuser
“The confession is in the smear; they give themselves away, exposing the link between the primary and secondary evidence… pay attention; it is very simple to understand with some patience. Have closure without lifting a finger.”
Summary: If required, and it usually is, there are two ways to expose a highly manipulative, abusive, targeting, blameshifting toxic person who drains and uses others in a number of ways. Trying to keep the guilt and shame away from the hidden agenda linked to shocking detached self-serving actions and statements… trying to maintain coercive control to own other people’s perception so they assume to remain secret or hiding in plain sight.
MTE - How To Expose A Narcissist Without Looking Like The Crazy One
Choosing Therapy - Narcissistic Smear Campaign: What It Is, Tactics, & How to Deal With It
PsychCentral - Spotting and Dealing with a Smear Campaign by a Narcissist
“Remove your truth bias fast; you are not dealing with someone who thinks like you. Do not make a healthy comparison with someone who makes unhealthy comparisons to others.” Do not take that suggestion personally; do not take the abusive person's behaviour personally; instead, step back, re-educate and remove the toxic processes they use to try and put their unprocessed trauma on you to live and deal with. Suggestion one: Remove them, and watch what happens to the human mind find balance and growth which the abuse is incapable of achieving so they put you on the hampster wheel to keep you the same as them… share the trauma bond they cannot get out of so you are the target in the facade.
Medical News Today - What to know about DARVO
Simple Psychology - Narcissistic Baiting Examples and How To Respond
NB - Narcissistic Victim Syndrome: What the heck is that?
Anyone trying in extreme ways (irreparable damage, they may enjoy abusing for stimulation and release, it is second nature) so it is obvious they are going to use others ‘again’ on a larger scale to keep covering up their choices, just as they always… look at the detached confession cloaked in a blameshift smear. You could say it is more of the same thinking patterns that suggest people are objects with a biased use or purpose to the hidden or now not-so-hidden agenda but with a hidden, undiagnosed disorder. (Chargeable offences will be noted as you see the fundamental deceptions and why they exist. Look at the actions as a reference to the laws that protect human rights.)
“Coercive and controlling behaviour is at the heart of domestic abuse.” (The reference applies to female and male victims of other people’s personality disorders they choose not to admit and remove.)
Confessions hidden on purpose as mind games coming from a manipulative person before the smear campaign:
Odd comments to test if someone can see them. A broad open view at first, then it will become narrow and focused on people not present when the gossip starts, which will be fuelled by unhealthy compassrions. Its a way of not processing the self for development, so they put down others to feel ‘taller’. This actually harms the personality and takes the focus away from growth “There is nothing wrong with me” comes from always looking at others as less… bingo.
Chipping and poking, unhealthy toxic compassion, a giveaway of an undeveloped person in the adult world needing their internal hierarchy to be seen externally, deep hidden insecurity needing to be suppressed in the company of others. It is a real giveaway, “I need to feel me, and I am better than everyone, they just can’t see it.” or “I am different, those who are different should allowed to be themselves”. Note where others are used in the explanation of those statements.
“I’m joking” - Humour cloaking emotional abuse for stimulation to feel better about themselves at the expense of others. A pattern of put-downs is a toxic ego comparison when not feeling superior, so the fragile ego that gives feedback on emotions needs to be blocked with external stimulation. See listed many times on the top ten things a narcissist will say: “You're too sensitive.” Here is the confession: do it back and watch them fall apart; it is them who are too sensitive with a double standard; you may even hear, “It’s different when I do it.” Self-deception runs rife in narcissists; it is different when they do. It has an agenda others avoid, and others want to live with authentic connection, not living a life of toxic jokes. Last time I checked, only funny jokes keep a comedian on stage. The faker is never funny as the jokes have no meaning, no reason to connect with another person's perception or view, it’s a “I need to feel good from putting you down without being fully exposed.”
Strange, vague opinions are used to see if someone thinks the same or is easily moulded with face-value suggestions. Look for the lack of depth, no study, no time, not getting past the Dunny Kruger effect, the grandiose view of the self can assume they know something through fantasy issues, needing attention fast, but never doing the work; it sounds narcissistic even in example of conversation was well and the personality… bingo. (there is another to come) When wrong, how defensive is the person? Can they accept feedback? What is no seen is the ‘fit the narrative’ is actually running ahead of the conversation in a fraglie way, feedback spoils the timeline and script that fills in the gaps others would learn.
VeryWellMind - How Narcissists Use DARVO to Avoid Accountability
The Smear Campaign. How a Toxic Person Tries to Destroy His Target's Credibility.
Testing empathy, seeing if the victim card works while they never change their actions but require supply and feed on a regular basis without any change in their perception of themselves, seeing their faults and strengths. One way to test a narcist person is to use the mirror to see if they process something; the mirror can be used to destabilise any type of abusive person. They test other people's empathy, testing there can be quick or over eight hundred emails to show they cannot get past a bias. If a person who requires everyone else empathy, surely it means they have none to give? You would be right; it's simple when you want something, it could be seen as an attic for control at a later date if they want something again. If they simply cannot process helping in an authentic way, or if they think they are tested, they may help in a way that isn’t genuine and connecting. I can’t show details as empathy testing a narcissistic person is for full-blown exposure when they are facing abuse charges, and evidence is needed fast. You could say, “How is… feeling when you spoke to them?” The reply could be given with a facial expression that backs up, “How would I know?”
There is a bigger list to spot the signs you are dealing with someone’s fragile agenda, aside from the obvious. You could put some gentle pressure on them instead of doing it to you. Not that they should be doing it in the first place, but watching the power dynamic feels strange to them. A lack of balance means balance is avoided; balance would mean a connecting equal sharing quality time together. If someone feels inferior, it’s what they are trying to avoid more than you realise. Good connecting people do feel inferior; they feel trust and security, no need for coercive control or seams when they can’t hide or want to own someone's perception in a one-to-one, so the large-scale gaslighting smear is an extension of the deeply hidden mess that will come out and do what the try to hide over charm, deflection, abuse, victim card, tools and tricks but never the fix…
Now for the confession in the smear campaign… the thing that won’t feel enough at first, but then you have tracked enough to join the dots… when you do, bingo.
Pinterest - Smear campaign quotes funny
HFL - DARVO: understanding how narcissists avoid accountability
Elements to review:
The lies behind the eyes are going nowhere; they stay under the ‘fit-the narrative’ filtered reality in the memories, but the memories won’t go away. The suppression put on you to brush past and forget actions quickly in the relationship is the same process internally. They are trying to mess with the system that makes a human. Accountability, guilt (not felt internally correctly, shame (the external pressure for change is felt as more than feedback), the list of lies that never go away… the fear of exposure uses what it knows best, uses what is right there… so it is released and positioned on someone else… a target. Lottery. They have been putting things in places for years away from the place where the truth sits comfortably. Right in the middle, in front of you, them and the situation. They miss placing accountability internally; they do it externally for a decoy. Who can be the target will depend on the triggers or the deception they are trying to achieve to keep the disorder at bay.
If you think about it, an emotional abuser is always trying to get other people to go along with a trauma bond, abuse, manipulation and control issues to avoid accountability. The actions come from a lack of a core; what is inside is projected onto others so they don’t need to be completely functioning humans and grow up. (Do not expect change with a faux confession; it is a bigger subject.)
If someone has been doing something for a long time that would seriously damage the public presentation they have worked hard on instead of the core full of lies and deception, their worst nightmare could be found out… under pressure, fear of exposure, they will put the thing they are somewhere fast to remain the victim when needed or the one who can block any kind of feedback so the ego doesn’t need to make them feel responsible on the inside where matters are not fully known. According to the research and feedback, the lack of processing over the years can be seen as an unpracticed system, like a child learning to write at age four and being asked to spell a large word. Any good parent would help a child correctly over time. This is where the no accountably abusive person comes in; they were never taught accountability in childhood, so they still write like a four-year-old when it comes to being honest; it's a six-letter word but still big to understand. The internal system has not fully developed and understands right and wrong when questioned; just like a child before growth, the adult reflection is out of reach, so mind games and deflection keep the deception away. Children play games; narcissistic people try to play games with people but see them as dolls. The grandiose unhealthy comparison to keep the fragile ego is, well, still playing games… then the toys are thrown away, and new ones are needed, and the old ones are blamed.
Taylor & Francis - Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender (DARVO)
Get Court Ready - Facing False Allegations and DARVO in Family Court
When a smear is active, until now, many might not have seen a sentence that can stop a smear in its tracks or keep the smear from taking hold in a toxic coverup.
In case someone has to inform a covert, highly deceptive, emotionally abusive person:
“Your smear is your confession. What is on the inside, what is gaslighted behind closed doors, is now out in the open and comes from a place that should know better but doesn’t. It knows what I know only, and the same behaviour is used time and time again. You expose yourself without realising it; the lack of accountability is linked to a lack of self-awareness. Your confession is what you always put on others when no one is looking. Now, you will create irreparable damage on purpose to hide the truth as usual instead of fixing with accountability. A coward is using abuse to cover up abuse indirectly because you have to keep the truth hidden fast. You can damage what you don’t understand, and when you do it, it will expose detachment; something doesn’t hold you back. The toxic inside is yours to fix, not everyone else’s.”
To imagine a person is always using what they cannot process to stay hidden from themselves can take some time. Many think it must be exhausting to go the long way around. Why don’t they just change? Seeing life from a flexible thinking experience and perception can, in some ways, not allow people to see the truth, and this is how a manipulative person takes advantage of others. They see people behaving with conservation they chose or cannot make; they may not feel a need to think and live with more consideration… it is just not in them. If it can’t be felt, it can’t be understood. This is where brain development and brain chemistry come in. Some people really don’t understand empathy running through their veins.
Get Ready For Court - Facing False Allegations and DARVO in Family Court
There are differences, and we need to be careful and label the behaviour, not the person. For example, “You are behaving like a narcissist, displaying five out of nine traits and stimulated by it for release and to feel better about yourself.” Rather than “they are a toxic narcissist, don’t believe them.” The focus is on the abusive person who learned it from somewhere, bad role modelling, inference, conditioning, no account and the abuse cycle that turns some to great what they learned. Not everyone; the focus is on those who put it on to others and play mind games and abuse.
If you are looking for change once they have exposed themselves, offered confession in public by yet again putting others down (extending the chipping and poking and unhealthy comparison) on a larger scale as they see people as objects for a purpose, think about how they became to be like that… decades of something doesn’t change overnight…
Anyone caught creating a smear may actually have a very serious, functioning, undiagnosed personality disorder (you will know when others have yet to find out), which has armed them with survival tools to hurt at the drop of a hat when no one is looking and has covered up coercive control for a long time.
The reason?
Look into childhood, the important development years that many may not take seriously nut it can have dramatic effects on those who are prone to developing narcissism. Abuse or no accountability with genetics play a part, or a lack of education and bad role modelling, so fantasy issues are still present and here is one reason why…. something very important is missing…
Truth.
It is too big to handle, so they do something else… they lie because they find it easier, and they lie because they bear no relevance to reality: tools, words used as tools with detachment. Simple really. In childhood, the truth may have been too much to process, or they were taught to avoid the truth, so the cycle continues.
When an abusive person doesn’t fix and reflect, lives in their own world with their own rules and a slanted perception of reality, what they are actually doing is living without truth. They may have needed to block the truth out, and the truth comes back to be put on others who get caught in a trauma bond, facade, and coercive control cycle.
When a person lives without truth, the first thing they will do is dump all the things they are doing in a smear and leave a paper trail and witness queue to interview, leaving behind their signature using what they can and without many not realising, its fuelled by a lack of truth, they don’t understand it even if it is a five letter word, it is too big to process so they do something else… they confess from a position with a total lack of self-awareness.
The confession they do without realising they will harm well beyond their emotional processing as they are pretty rubbish at it, giving that to you to deal with - “if I am hurting, then they will as well” or “No one must know the truth, not for any reason.” Correction, see what I did - “Everyone must know my truth; they will know, no matter what.”
If someone has to smear, it is an insecurity that the abuser is not living with the truth and people can't see it, so they double down and use others to make sure. This is where the lies fall apart… trying too hard, like a coverup, but with fear of exposure fueling the lies to try harder. The same mess on the inside is now on the outside, full exposure, done to themselves, done in the way they do to others without realizing it due to the lack of self-awareness.
If you have to expose a toxic person, destabilise the facade to get it out in the open - Do it wisely, as not everyone will be able to spot the confession in the smear; it might require a primer or education to go beyond face value. Maybe warn them first, speak to the professional, let the authorities know already, and have a room with padding ready for fear of exposure and a no-return situation as the lies will look so calculated that… it is too familiar and made up by them in a script, too well constructed and too well understood and it might be done through people indirectly to cover up abuse with abuse, a little too much, dramatic and not to be discussed directly or ignored as it would have been in the past… a lie does not like confrontation because it has no place, in reality, to place itself comfortably, it would be dismissed the second truth come calling if left on its present on a table for discussion the honesty…bingo.
One of the biggest red flags to watch out for in the secondary evidence chapter is using third-party, indirect abuse to damage people's perception of others. Like they did to you, they will do it to others, so it can't be taken personally; everyone is an object to use, not just you. And lairs hate being found out; they need to hide more than you realise, so they panic and run from the truth and hide behind something as the truth scares them to the bone on the inside.
Bretons - Depp Vs Heard - What is DARVO?
The coward will always tell a lie; they are really good at it, practised for decades, maybe instead of knowing the stuff that requires effort. So, learn to spot a liar by the actions they use when they lose control of your perception of them. Try to spot toxic people who want the good stuff; you have value for them, or they will drain from you. They like to eat good, healthy people with more to give, and they have nothing to grow from, or they would be happy not lying and smearing when they can’t keep control of their facade.
By stating you only like honesty, connection, transparency, dislike abuse, deception, fraud, manipulation and questionable behaviour, a boundary is in place; keep it that way. Maybe live with a perception that sees everything rather than what looks similar to you as lairs will pretend to be something… and be something else later… what they really are after love bombing and charming to hide the truth you are going to find out later. If you keep getting caught up by lairs, pay attention to how much you see in yourself when you meet them, the uncanny a little too much like you… it's done for a reason: to mask before the drain.
Domestic Shelters - Explaining DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender
NB - Narcissistic Victim Syndrome: What the heck is that?
Sign off:
Prevention is the greatest cure (a classic that stands the test of time), headspace requires less vortex drama and deception, gaslighting is toxic for one, it’s toxic for two or more.
Creatively has an honesty about it, an organic expression, and blame shift will always look like a fake reality presented by a third party for a reason; it lacks truth and came from a ‘fit the narrative’ toxic feedback loop that needs fixing a long time ago but got ignored as comparing to others was easier. Who wants that to deal with when life has many positive options?
If the closure is still not felt, the core deflecting smear abuser has to live with all their supresed memories boxing up their life with a filter to keep the mess at bay without the ability to grow with time. Remember shame haughts them, any minute now they will feel exposed keeping thing tight, must be exhausting. their latest smear will add to the list, and the narcissistic collapse will happen more often; they have to live with themselves daily, reminded of what they can’t have that you do.
"Uses passive-aggressive behaviour or the silent treatment when things don’t go their way."
"Exaggerates everything they do to make themselves look better."
Love Letters to a Healing Heart
LP - 46 Secrets to Deal with a Narcissist, Break Them & Handle their Petty Games
