Abused Children Who Become The Abuser
Summary: Two parts to this essay; it is important not to mix up the various elements but to see the connection in a number of cases. Projection straight onto others, no processing, triangulation, hiring flying money, avoiding accountability, and still trying to get away with something that is considered highly abusive… why? The perception of right and wrong was learned from what? The truth is, the abuser may well have been abused and wants to abuse others.
It's not the case for a child who has a tough situation. But it does not give license to do what others consider as wrong. No one is allowed to try and control someone else perception, even if that was learned. Born disorders that lack empathy and consideration should also be mindful of the laws that protect others, and the objects seen are people.
Psychology Today - The Risk Factors for Continuing the Cycle of Abuse
LL - Gaslighting: Examining the Warning Signs
Mental Health - Narcissistic collapse
Mental Health - Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Cycles and protection through education and new boundaries. This information is for adults to observe and reflect on with further insight, and younger generations need to know why matters are confusing and where it all starts.
Warning - Confusing mixed behaviour, mixed abuse… it is a cycle of four parts. Call the authorities asap on 999 or 911 if the cycle is happening daily, get out fast.
Side note - Caregivers must protect children from abuse; if they don’t make any effort in a balanced way, research their past and childhood. Look at why they turn a blind eye, or maybe they are the covert type who is also abusive in different ways. What might be a surprise is how abuse can stimulate some people rather than feel the need to have boundaries and education for change. What some assume is acceptable can be due to bad role modelling. So the cycle continues for longer as personality disorders are further from balance and consideration that accountability once help is offered.
PsychCentral - The 4 Stages of the Cycle of Abuse: From Tension to Calm and Back
Healthline - Understanding the Cycle of Abuse
Tension Building (A lack of internal processing, internal influence, influence from the past, accountability not understood, feedback seen as something else, control issues not working on others, the mask soon to slip, a blame shift developing, unable to see the core issue is with the abuser’s actions and statements, unhealthy comparison and delusion status effected in the effected perception of right and wrong.)
Incident (The abuse)
Reconciliation (Can be hoovering, love bombing, as if nothing happened or masking and gaslighting further to allow the abuse to continue when it suits the abuser on their assumed terms in their facade, coverup compensating actions)
Calm (Like a different person has now appeared, some form of alignment or people move on to quickly, further stimulation given to the abuser allowing delusions of position)
References 1:
Psychology Today - The Risk Factors for Continuing the Cycle of Abuse (part 2, a list of key actions and experiences to acknowledge)
Psychology Today - How Do You Begin to Break the Cycle of Abuse?
ONS - People who were abused as children are more likely to be abused as an adult
Very Well Mind - 9 Reasons the Cycle of Abuse Continues
VeryWellMind - How to Recognize and End the Cycle of Abuse
OMB - What is Post Separation Abuse?
NSPCC - Parental mental health problems
Risks That Increase The Likelihood Of Abuse Happening
There are certain situations and factors that put people at particular risk of abuse. If one or more of these factors are present, it does not mean that abuse will occur but it will increase the risk:
Isolation
Living in the same household as an abuser
A previous history of abuse
The existence of financial problems
A member of the household experiences emotional or social isolation
Inappropriate physical or emotional environment e.g. lack of privacy and/ or personal space
Where there has been a change of lifestyle e.g. illness, unemployment or employment
Dependence on others for personal and practical care
Where a person is dependent on other people to administer money or where several people manage their money
Where the vulnerable person exhibits difficult and challenging behaviour
The carer has difficulties such as debt, alcohol or mental health problems
Poor leadership in care services
Unmonitored provision of care e.g. where reviews or inspections do not take place
Failure to comply with standard operating policies and procedures
HC - Child Abuse and Neglect: AAP Policy Explained
“Psychological or emotional abuse can involve any form of maltreatment described above, but it may also mean verbal abuse. This happens when a child faces constant criticism, ridicule, blame or shame from parents or other adults. Around 7% of all child abuse victims in 2022 suffered this kind of abuse.” (The figure is higher, and usually matters are kept from change, adults speak of it later, but their abuser using labels such as ‘parent’ continues to manipulate with control issues.)
True or False: 1 in 4 women and 1 in 10 men experience physical violence, sexual violence or stalking, and more than 43 million women and 38 million men experience psychological aggression
True or False: Hidden or masked emotional abuse is a bigger issue than physical abuse. Emotional abuse can be used to manipulate others to abuse with a continuation to affect people’s perception and damage social networks, so the abusive gaslighting continues via an undiagnosed disorder or trauma bond. Masking harmful emotional abuse in the subtext is a major red flag. Third-party abusers are the second set of people to receive emotional abuse without realising it, and they are now harming the first victim. (Only answer after doing the correct research)
Cleveland Clinic - What Is the Cycle of Abuse and How Do You Break It?
3. Reconciliation (the confusing element before education is in place)
As with every other stage of the cycle, reconciliation means different things in different relationships. In some situations, it’s a simple apology. In others, it looks like hoovering or full-on love bombing. The goal is to relieve the tension and return to the honeymoon phase of the relationship. (Do not fall for love bombing and hoovering to cover up, it is a form of abuse and gaslighting)
Cleveland Clinic - What Is Love Bombing? (while being abused by one, another sends words like “I love you, I miss you”. lots of them is a giveaway with the timing.)
Cleveland Clinic - What Is Hoovering? 7 Signs and How To Handle It (trying to cover up, gaslighting, denying reality, moving past in a cycle)
Questions that will be explored along with other important information: Abuse, is it learned, or is it genetic, or does it appear on its own as if by magic? Can an emotional abuser stop abusing? Can an emotional abuser stop hurting? Can an emotional abuser see their own childhood as the key to unlocking why their perception of right and wrong is affecting their behaviour? Do boundaries work? Why do some emotional abusers try to continue emotional abuse/manipulation on their victim/target via the use of others to cover up abuse with further abuse and social network damage? What kind of abuser never stops till they get what they want to fit a narrative? Why are emotional abusers also highly manipulative and may assume that it is a special skill to achieve what they want? What do fantasy issues have to do with an abused person becoming the abuser?
True or False: The cycle repeats. Some are at high risk… some are not.
Establishing the stopping of abusers is the priority through boundaries and the correct education… victims usually have to document primary and secondary evidence to prove examples of confusing mixed behaviour. Insight - What was learned is passed on.
True or False: Red flags and triggers can be mixed with generosity or considerations to cover up something from a different point in time. While what was learned in childhood will still be projected. Bad parenting was learned, and nothing changed.
Why do different forms of abuse still exist? True or False: Study high-functioning abusers, serious lack of self-awareness, and inability to process accountability in certain brain regions.
Why are some high-functioning types trying to hide rather than fix, while others are more obvious? True or False: If not found accountable early and has aged, systems may be in place to mask further delusional or fantasy issues. Many forms of distraction, control issues, professional victimhood, emotional needs, manipulation skills, at times, doing good for a questionable agenda to cover up. The mind, with a need to have control (linking back to childhood), truth and fact are seen as an issue (harsh truths blocked out in the development years so all truths are now blocked in adulthood, a system), so manipulative actions are always hiding something 24/7. Living the lie is a priority over the truth, and the thinking pattern may have to maintain a facade, knowing what it knows so nothing changes. The parameters of the biased environment: Other people have to make considerations for a masking need or instablity.
Establishing the stopping of abusers is the priority through boundaries and the correct education. Any form of repeated abuse, whether it be in public or behind closed doors, direct or indirect through the use of others, repeated to what was experienced and projected, conduct is a chargeable offence as well as a total lack of respect for other people’s lives and human rights. Indirect abuse will have charges brought against all people in the abuse chain. Triangulation is a major red flag for abuse/gaslighting extending beyond arms reach with an assumption an abuser assumes they own someone else’s perception or wants to cover up abuse with abuse. Gaslighting turns into a smear for what reason?
Genetics, the harsh truth - Will include insight - Genetics can be an element to discuss on its own; some attract the same type of person, so the cycle continues, or pick an opposite and abuse, and some are more prone to perception issues of what is classed as right and wrong before conditioning, no accountability, no love or abuse is witnessed. Check the family history to see if abuse has happened in three generations and how it is discussed. Abusers may hide their hidden experiences but project the same patterned behaviour.
References 2:
PsychCentral - What Is Genetic Trauma?
NIH - Genetic and Environmental Overlap Between Childhood Maltreatment and Adult Physical Health
BBC - Can the legacy of trauma be passed down the generations?
JAX - The genetics of violent behaviour
HC - Can Trauma Be Passed Down From One Generation to the Next?
Essay - Not everyone is at risk, those who are, do they abuse? Do they know they are now the new abuser in the cycle?
Not every abused child becomes another abuser through the generations. Fact. The unfortunate truth is that an affected childhood (any form of abuse, conditioning, no accountability) can also add delusion, detachment, narcissism, a damaged feedback loop, a bias, unstable emotions, affected perception, as well as projection issues of what was experienced… what is soaked up like a sponge, without processing, a new education, will become the repeated actions once experienced. The cycle of affected perception with an accountability issue… repeats.
True or False: What is witnessed, what was experienced can become the education and assumption of how to behave as an adult when it is their turn to be responsible, accountable, and considerate of people's boundaries and mental health… or not.
Yes, children who experience abuse are at a higher risk of becoming abusers themselves:
Abusive relationships
Children who experience abuse are more likely to enter abusive relationships as adults. For example, a boy who witnesses his mother being abused is 10 times more likely to abuse a female partner as an adult.
Adverse experiences
Children who experience adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) are more likely to subject their own children to similar experiences.
Risk factors
Children aged 1–10 who have abusive parents are at a higher risk of abuse recurrence.
Other effects of abuse on children include:
Mental health conditions
Children who experience abuse are more likely to develop mental health conditions like depression and anxiety.
Physical health problems
Children who experience abuse are more likely to develop physical health problems like diabetes, obesity, and heart disease.
Substance misuse
Children who experience abuse are more likely to misuse substances like drugs and alcohol.
Teenage pregnancies
Children who experience abuse are more likely to become pregnant as teenagers.
Poor self-esteem
Children who experience abuse are more likely to have poor self-esteem.
Better Help - Six Ways To End The Cycle Of Abuse
What you can do: Six steps to end the cycle of abuse
There is never an excuse for domestic violence. If you are in an abusive relationship, know that you are not alone, and it is possible to break the cycle of abuse. Creating a plan specific to your needs and implementing it may help you break the cycle and take back control of your life.
To end the cycle of abuse, consider taking the following six steps before leaving an abusive relationship:
Plan how you can safely leave when the abuser is absent, where you can go, and how to get out fast if needed.
If possible, keep evidence of the abuse, such as photos of injuries, hospital bills, and damaged clothing and possessions. Keep these items where the abuser cannot find them.
Prepare a bag of essential possessions you need to leave quickly, including spare car keys and house keys, your driver’s license and other important documents, medications, a change of clothing, and valuable personal items like family photos. If possible, leave this bag with a trusted friend or family member.
Set aside money whenever you can to support yourself once you leave, and keep these funds where the abuser cannot find them.
Consider talking to an attorney specialising in domestic abuse cases, especially if you have children.
Contact a domestic violence organization in your area for support and help to leave.
References 3:
CPN - Intergenerational cycle of abuse
AH - Generational Abuse and Breaking the Cycle
Healthline - Understanding the Cycle of Abuse
MPDC - The Cycle of Violence (US)
CC - Your Father Hit Your Mother: 6 Ways to Recognize and Break the Cycle of Abuse
PsychCentral - The 4 Stages of the Cycle of Abuse: From Tension to Calm and Back
DS - What is the Cycle of Abuse?
What does Child abuse look like?
“Emotional abuse. Emotional child abuse means injuring a child's self-esteem or emotional well-being. It includes verbal and emotional assault — such as continually belittling or berating a child — as well as isolating, ignoring or rejecting a child.”
Observing the abuse cycle, walking on eggshells can be linked to a child knowing the emotional instability of a parent so they may keep the peace, making the child the one to keep the needs of the parent active in a role to off narcissistic feed, attention, prop them up so the child has no real understanding of the balance until in school. The parent should also be the educator with the agenda to help the child grow, not have a use to keep the parent stable… that is the responsibility of the parent, and they should seek help rather than using their children for attention, finances, wants and needs. The Panet may not be a fully developed person who must break the cycle of unhealthy compassion and needs from others. When children grow into adults, and their parents are still demanding attention regardless of circumstances, the chances are very high that there was abuse in childhood.
Help.org - Child Abuse and Neglect
The list on help.org goes into more depth; what is key is changing the culture, changing the influence and assumption and more abused manipulative people coming forward for help.
Myth: It’s only abuse if it’s violent.
Fact: Physical abuse is just one type of child abuse. Child neglect, or sexual and emotional abuse, can inflict just as much damage. Since the signs are not always as obvious, other people may be less likely to intervene.
Myth: Only bad people abuse their children.
Fact: Not all abusive parents or guardians intentionally harm their children. Many have been victims of abuse themselves and don’t know any other way to parent. Others may be struggling with mental health issues or substance abuse problems.
Myth: Most child abusers are strangers.
Fact: While abuse by strangers does happen, most abusers are family members or others close to the family.
Myth: bused children always grow up to be abusers.
Fact: It is true that abused children are more likely to repeat the cycle as adults, unconsciously repeating what they experienced as children. On the other hand, many adult survivors of child abuse have a strong motivation to protect their children against what they went through and become excellent parents.
Reference the abuse cycle in the first section. Influence and education of lack of is deeply harmful.
NSPCC - Protecting children from domestic abuse
Domestic abuse can include:
Coercive control such as being told where to go and what to wear or being isolated from friends and family *
Physical abuse such as being punched, kicked, cut, or being hit with an object
Emotional abuse such as being constantly undermined, sworn at, intimidated, ridiculed, harassed, or threatened with harm or death *
Sexual abuse and rape including within a relationship or being made to have sex with other people
Stalking and harassment such as being repeatedly followed or spied on, being regularly given unwanted gifts or receiving unwanted communication *
Economic and financial abuse such as having access to money controlled or withheld or being prevented from earning money
Technology-facilitated abuse such as having messages and emails monitored or deleted, constantly being sent messages or calls, or being tracked via device location
Not only is this abuse very harmful to the child or anyone, but if, over time, the conditioning continues for years, the child may display the same behaviour if the abusive parent never changed or help was not given early.
SCIE - Psychological or Emotional Abuse
Types of emotional abuse
Some level of emotional abuse is present in all types of abuse or neglect, though it may also appear alone. It is the persistent mistreatment of a child that has a severe and negative impact on their emotional development. Emotional abuse may also be perpetrated by other young people through serious bullying and cyberbullying.
Overprotection – preventing someone from accessing educational and social opportunities and seeing friends (dismissing an education that exposes the abuser)
Intimidation, coercion, harassment, use of threats, humiliation, bullying, swearing or verbal abuse
Conveying feeling of worthlessness, inadequacy or that a child is unloved
Threats of harm or abandonment
Placing inappropriate expectations on children
Witnessing or hearing the abuse or ill-treatment of others (including domestic violence)
Neglect can be a lot of different things, which can make it hard to spot. But broadly speaking, there are four types of neglect.
Physical neglect
A child's basic needs, such as food, clothing or shelter, are not met, or they aren't properly supervised or kept safe.Educational neglect
A parent doesn't ensure their child is given an education.Emotional neglect
A child doesn't get the nurture and stimulation they need. This could be through ignoring, humiliating, intimidating or isolating them.Medical neglect
A child isn't given proper health care. This includes dental care and refusing or ignoring medical recommendations.
References 4:
ChildMatters - Indicators of Child Abuse
Safeguarding Network - Child-on-child Abuse (PDF’s)
Help.org - Child Abuse and Neglect
Gov Wales - Impact On Children Of Experiencing Domestic Abuse
Guardian - This article is more than 11 years old Breaking the cycle of abuse
C4K - Risk Factors for Child Abuse and Neglect (graphic image)
LC - The Long-Term Effects of Domestic Violence on Children
GMC - Identifying those at risk of, or suffering, abuse or neglect
WH - Effects of domestic violence on children
References 5:
NSPCC - Parental mental health problems
NSPCC - Child abuse and neglect
NSPCC - Grooming: recognising the signs (conditioning to serve or to go along with something)
NSPCC - Early help and early intervention
NSPCC - Children and families at risk
Barnardos - Children affected by domestic abuse
What do we really know about patterned behaviour learned from something somewhere else in time?
Exposing any form of abuse can be hard without correction education. The education is here, and abuse is well documented as, unfortunately, it has appeared in the generations. Very harmful personality disorders may not identify themselves with what is listed, pay attention, processing with a ‘fit the narrative’ and ‘zero empathy for others’ is something to watch out for and linked to delusional; issues linked to fantasy issues such as extreme ‘grandiose’ (an ego defence mechanism only.)
Abuse can be used to cover up abuse, manipulate people who don’t want to be exposed and use any kind of opportunity to mask, deny, blame shift so their cycle of abuse is protected in a facade or system. Appearances in public can be completely different but not invisible. Personality disorders that abuse have patterned behaviour, use others as other are objects to abuse in any shape or form. Bringing hidden certain forms of abuse to the surface can require a lot of evidence and time away from living a life away from an abusive person trying to claim ownership over someone else perception of the abuser or rebuilding social networks the abuser tries to harm in a blame shift smear campaign (red flag). Liars have a knack for catching themselves out or exposing themselves after going too far, two realities to manage, a cycle, a justification for their actions. What breaks abuse cycles is not allowing direct or third-party abuse to have reason to exist in the first place… not every who was abused in their development years, many realise where the problem actually is… not with them… what is key is pulling down the cycle from those who want to abuse others with control issues and stimulation so the cycle they chose not to admit they have… is exposed to help others not have the human rights violated.
Also, speak to a professional before exposing abuse, you might not be dealing with just one… system in place to hide the core issue starts inside the core of the person hiding the truth, externally, they may copy what they know best… avoiding accountability at all costs… charm, victim card, cycles of changing behaviour, reasoning to hide may of started with hiding in childhood or being told what is harmful is actually good and what is good is actually harmful. Everyone else is on a spectrum of education and self-awareness. Learn to spot compensating behaviour.
Sign off:
Protect children or adults from abusers of any kind, emotional abuse being very deceptive may not show how unbalanced an emotional abuser actually is on face value (refer to the abuse cycle). True or False: A person must lie to themselves before they lie to someone else. Types of detachment can lead to a culture not creating an authentic sense of ‘what is right and what is wrong’ and what can be said in defence “You are too sensitive”. The truth is an abuser lacks many abilities to process accountability, including genuine sensitivity to the needs of others without a bias overruling their wants, demands, needs first. An abuser’s mental health issue is not the responsibility of others, especially not children of any age, generation or place in the world. Just because more than one person thinks abuse of any kind is acceptable does not make it right. See the Domestic Abuse or Stalker pages for a list of chargeable offences.
The video below should give good insight to help get healthy boundries back in place with the help of professionals and your own new education.
True or False: Genetics can play a part in someone’s recovery from an affected childhood.
True or False: Education on being a balanced human with accountability can make a huge difference in a child's perception.
True or False: Without the correct education, a conditioned dysfunctional enmeshant family system can influence more than one to repeat a delusional assumption of what is right and what is wrong.
True or False: Many people repeat what they know as that is all they know, and each statement, action, and type of abuse is a giveaway of what their core education is and their childhood experiences received from their parents, siblings, children at school, neighbours or other family members.
True or False: Not every person is born with empathy for others.
True or False: Not every person develops empathy for others.
True or False: Not every person knows how important empathy for others actually is.
True or False: Not every person respects other people’s boundaries because what is not felt is not seen or understood.
True or False: Repeated abuse of any kind is a conduct charge. Knowing when to stop is not only key but not abused in the first place is paramount for a change in perception.
